B&Q Writer’s Haven Word Crawl

What are Word Crawls?
World Crawls are a set of writing challenges–usually set to a storyline–meant to make writing a bit more fun and entertaining.

We hope you enjoy our very first Books & Quills Magazine Word Crawl! We’re excited to release it, and we hope it will help you write “ALL TEH WURDZ!” This crawl is based on our Writer’s Haven, an online global community of writers. All are welcome! Visit to join!


It’s almost NaNoWriMo and somehow you’ve found yourself on Books and Quills Magazine’s Writer’s Haven server on discord. “What is this strange place?” you wonder. You’re welcomed warmly and led on a tour. You’re promised a sticker at the end of the tour, but the B&Q sticker stash is gone. Seems B&Q has a sticker swiping pirate aboard! Word war for five minutes while you wait for a new shipment of stickers to arrive.

You’ve completed the tour, you finally got your sticker… there’s just one more thing you’ll have to do before you’re fully initiated. Learn the chant: ALL TEH WURDZ!! FIX IT IN EDITING!! Do a three-digit challenge while you memorize the chant.

Congratulations, you’re one of us now. You’ll get used to the shenanigans eventually. Sprint to 100 words while you settle into your new home.

Speaking of shenanigans, what’s with all the people dressed up like sexy polar bears? Sprint to 300 words as you stare at them with a combination of confusion, concern, mild amusement, and fascinated attraction.

Oh no… Tara, the resident sticker stealing pirate, just popped in! “Overly affectionate greeting,” she says with a smile and walks off mumbling something about living to amuse. What? Is that a reference to something? Perhaps to the show that she seems to be “mildly” addicted to? If you understood the reference, sprint to a leisurely 150 words and then take a short break. If you didn’t get the reference, do a 10-minute sprint and then go binge watch Person of Interest.

Somebody hands out snacks. Bananas for everyone! Now that you’re refueled, word war for 15 minutes.

Turns out you need to refuel again after that word war. You head to the break room to get a cup of coffee and find that a knot of toads has gotten into the B&Q caffeine stash. That won’t do. Sprint to 100 words as you chase them out of the break room.

You report back to the staff about the toads. Turns out they knew about them and they aren’t really toads at all. They’re a group of bad students turned into toads by B&Q’s resident witch. You notice Tara slip down in her chair, trying to hide. Word war for ten minutes while you try to convince her to tell you how to turn them back into humans.

If you wrote more than 300 words, congratulations, now you can go help those poor students turn back into humans. If you wrote less than 300 words, roll a die and multiply the number you rolled by 100 and write that many words so she’ll finally tell you how to help the poor students.

Well, that was rather strange. But you’re starting to get used to the shenanigans now and by now you know that every time something strange happens, Dani is sure to have a song for it. Head over to the jukebox channel and listen to the most recently posted song. Write for the duration of the song.

Somebody asked what those striped things outside barber shops are called. The answer is right on the tip of your tongue. Was it stripper poles? Sprint to 200 words while you try to remember.

Barber poles, that’s it. Reward yourself with a short break for remembering.

Everybody is distracted by barber poles now. Did you know barbers used to perform bloodletting, surgeries, and tooth extractions as well? And that the stripes on a barber pole are symbolic of the blood and bandages. Fascinating! Now stop procrastinating. Write 300 words in five minutes to make up for the time you spent researching barber poles instead of writing.

Now that you’re back on track, head over to “if-you-see-this” and do the last challenge posted.

You decide it’s time for another quick break. You head to the break room. There’s some bot named Clay there. He wants you to play a game, but you just want a little love that he can’t or won’t seem to give. Word war for 15 minutes while you mourn the lack of love from Clay.

Finally over Clay, you move on from the break room and find yourself in the midst of a meme war. Sprint to 300 words while you search for the perfect meme to post.

The meme war finally comes to an end and you head to the break room again, in need of some (preferably not-toad-infested) coffee. On your way back, you hear somebody running around screaming something about somebody, or maybe a volleyball, named Wilson. What in the world? Sprint to the nearest thousand as you shake your head and laugh quietly.

You hear something in the distance, coming from another room. What is that? “Aye aye Cap’n.” Is… is someone here singing the Spongebob theme song? You can’t resist the urge to sing along and the song will undoubtedly be stuck in your head now. Write for the duration of the song.

While you’re in the middle of typing away and working toward meeting you word count for the day, four individuals approach you. They say their names are Christina, Steve, Troy, and Lionel and they tell you they work for Fenix Corporation and insist that the building is on fire and that everyone has to evacuate. Sprint for 20 minutes while you listen to them argue amongst themselves and babble on about time travel and the “TEMPEST Machine”… whatever that is.

You finish your sprint only to find that the four strange individuals are still there and still arguing. You shoo them away, because you have a feeling if you don’t then you’ll be listening to them for hours. Once they’re gone, you notice all the staplers have gone missing from the virtual B&Q office. You’re informed by the B&Q staff that there’s no need to be alarmed, Steve probably just stole them all… again. Do a 10-minute word war to get the staplers back.

It’s late and you’re tired and it seems all the coffee and snacks are gone. You’re in desperate need of boosting your word count a bit before you finally curl up in the nap room. You arrive at the B&Q crawl room and the first thing you see is “get a wife” and the word “felon.” You find yourself suddenly questioning everything. Sprint to 500 words while you try to sort it all out in your head.

A couple people run by shooting Nerf darts at each other, one of them dressed as the devil. You wonder where the funsanity ends and find yourself a target of the darts. “This is a no procrastination zone,” May and Tara tell you. Quickly write 100 words to save yourself.

It’s been a rather long day and there’s sure to be plenty more shenanigans tomorrow. Wrap up with an easy 5-minute sprint before packing in and calling it a night. You’re going to need your rest in preparation for another fun and crazy day in the Writer’s Haven.

Published by Caitlin McGee

Caitlin McGee

Caitlin is an openly lesbian and asexual writer, photographer, editor, and activist. When she isn’t writing, she’s usually out and about taking photos, doing research for her stories that has likely landed her on the NSA’s watch-list, playing video games, reading, hiking, fighting for equality, or binge-watching one of her many favorite TV shows.

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