“Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol’ Janx Spirit. Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V. Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost). Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qalactin Hypermint extract. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Sprinkle Zamphuor. Add an olive. Drink . . . but . . . very carefully.”

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

It is, of course, difficult to reproduce this drink here on Earth, and many other recipes are more than a little hard to drink. This recipe attempts to make a consumable drink you can make here on Earth! Grab your towel, your favorite glass, and these ingredients.

First, one of the things that stands out in the description is the silver spoon, which immediately evokes an image of that strange, ephemeral drink, Absinthe. Unfortunately, Absinthe is not exactly cheap, at least not often, so Pastis can be substituted as it is very similar to Absinthe and more affordable. Next is the “water from the seas of Santraginus V,” which for our purposes will be Brandy. Any type of brandy is fine, but if you have access to palm based brandy, such as Arak, it will be closer to the reference. We have the bubbly marsh gas of Fallian, or the club soda in this case, which will lend that effervescent, fizzy quality we’re looking for. Then we have the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger, which is up for more interpretation. For our purposes here, this will be honey steeped with cardamom seeds. And finally we have the olive. Adding it to the drink is unadvisable as it likely will not add to the flavor of the drink at all, but it’s traditional to have it nearby. Let’s begin!

1 ounce of Absinthe or Pastis
1 ounce of Brandy or Arak
4 ounces of chilled Club Soda
1 tablespoon of Cardamom-Honey
Olive and other garnishes of your choice

For the Cardamom-Honey, heat 1/2 cup honey almost to a simmer. Remove from heat, add a few cardamom seeds, and allow to steep until cool. This will make enough honey for several drinks; store leftovers in a cool, dark place in a sealed container.

Mix the Brandy and Absinthe (or Pastis), sugar cube and silver spoon optional, then slowly mix in the honey, careful not to add the seeds. Then carefully add the club soda, stirring gently. If you like, you can add salt to the rim of the glass to give your “sea water” more of a sea salt flavor, but that’s entirely optional. Serve in your craziest glass, add whatever toys or garnish you like, and serve next to an olive. Enjoy responsibly and don’t panic!